The Life Dr.

Below is a teaching Dr. V and I came across about 15 years ago… It’s is about a subject that affects everyone who is breathing !!  It is definitely an issue in churches but also is in every work place and almost every family !  ( We used to go through this with our church members every year and have recently pulled this back out… we have recently been reminded that it does not matter how good the people, how much you care about them and how long you have been friends… the devil is mean.. he distorts, lies, exaggerates, and feeds on emotions…just like even in a marriage…you can get a very distorted and exaggerated view by not following the guidelines that the Bible has laid out for us.  This will be a mandatory thing for all members of our church now and as we grow !! )

It is on the subject of how to handle any situation with others when any kind of misunderstanding or offense has occurred…

It is the Biblical way to handle it !! So for all who proudly declare Christianity as their soap box ….. Then these principles and guidelines are not a suggestion… they are a requirement to properly deal with situations in life that will absolutely occur.

There is no doubt no matter who you are if you are around anyone for any length of time you will have opportunity to get angry, offended, misunderstood ..on and on…  If you are breathing these things are bound to occur…but it is how we handle them that determines the result of the relationship and us remaining in right standing with each other and Christ !!!

First let me say it should go without saying if you feel someone has offended you and it is just not going away….it sounds to simple but must be said…. Go and talk to them….one on one… what you will find is many times they have no idea you were offended and that they did anything wrong to offend you…..second, have in your heart that it might be you that is wrong.. and that it could all just be a misunderstanding !!!

If you have had a relationship with this person the least you can do is give them the benefit of the doubt that they were not being malicious !!  Either way though the Word of God is clear….

Matt 16:15  You are to go to that person ONE on ONE to talk about it…. IF NOTHING CAN BE RESOLVED… SINCE THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MOTIVE…take a couple of people with you so they can mediate…not a group to be your posse.  Remember the goal here is to try to fix something… not to attack !

It is amazing to me how many Christians will walk away from an issue without ever handling it in a Biblical manner and blame the other person who was asking what was the issue the whole time !!

I have heard this story over and over in marriages and relationships for many years and unfortunately experienced it many times in our own church.  Too many times people got offended over something… preaching, we didn’t do what they expected or wanted, our clothes, car, phrases….who knows what ….. but while they are declaring their righteous stand on why they are leaving and not explaining why to us ( but of course to others behind our backs) they are not understanding that if it is not done Biblical….no right thing can result and God will hold them accountable for why they did not do it His way!!  Anger and bitterness does not justify not obeying Christ, and declaring Him in your decision only makes it more wrong!!!

If things were done as God has instructed … things would never get to big to resolve… but when we don’t deal with it properly it allows the devil to get in and magnify everything….when still not dealt with properly it destroys what could have been repaired with a simple conversation !!!

BELOW IS THE BEST EXPLANATION OF THIS TOO OFTEN OCCURRENCE AND HOW TO HANDLE IT !!!

Proverbs 6:16-19

¹⁶ These six things the Lord hates,

Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:

¹⁷ A proud look,

A lying tongue,

Hands that shed innocent blood,

¹⁸ A heart that devises wicked plans,

Feet that are swift in running to evil,

¹⁹ A false witness who speaks lies,

And one who sows discord among brethren.

What causes conflicts in families, churches or organizations to flare out of control and split an entire group?

What causes close friendships to be broken when neither party has offended the other?

Why are attempts to restore a fallen Christian brother or sister often met with defeat?

One Major Cause: WRONG RESPONSES TO AN EVIL REPORT

Definition of an Evil Report:

An evil report involves distortion of facts, incomplete facts or false information. It is given with wrong motivation and causes the hearer to come to inaccurate conclusions and to respond with unscriptural “solutions”. Evil reports are so destructive that they can even destroy long-standing, close friendships.

“A whisperer separateth chief friends”. (Proverbs 16:28)

Important Note: Wrong should never be covered over. It must be brought to the attention of those who are responsible and dealt with in a scriptural manner. (Matt 18:15-20) This necessary process is damaged by the defilement of an evil report.

Stages of Defilement

In the medical world, there are stages in the development of a disease. In the same way, there are stages of destruction to a spiritually healthy person:

1. IGNORANCE of “preventive” measures to avoid contamination;
2. EXPOSURE to one who is “already infected”;
3. CONTAMINATION (defilement) by allowing the “germs” to enter one’s system;
4. INFECTION as the “germs” overcome one’s normal defenses.
5. DISEASE when the infection destroys vital life-supporting functions.

THE STAGES OF DEFILEMENT EXPLAINED:

1. THE IGNORANCE STAGE

Satan will gain an advantage over us if we are ignorant of his devices. (2 Corinthians 2:11)

IGNORANCE IS NOT BEING AWARE OF THE DESTRUCTIVE
POWER OF UNTRUE OR DISTORTED WORDS

“The tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity…it DEFILETH the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell”. (James 3:6)

A. Ignorance of how words destroy close friendships:

“He that covers a transgression seeks love; but he that repeats a matter separates the very best of friends”. (Proverbs 17:9)

B. Ignorance of how the unclean defile the clean, rather than the clean influencing the unclean. (Haggai 2:11-14)

C. Ignorance of what constitutes an evil report:

It is an unauthorized, distorted, or false report which influences us to form an evil opinion about another person.

D. Ignorance of how evil reports are given:

Evil reports are communicated by words, facial expressions, gestures, and tonal patterns. They can be subtle or obvious, quiet or angry, sweet or bitter.

E. Ignorance of who gives evil reports:

Giving bad reports is part of the fallen nature of every person.

Some types of evil report carriers:

WHISPERER: One who secretly or privately passes on evil reports to others. Psalm 41:7

GOSSIP: One who magnifies and sensationalizes rumors and partial information.

SLANDERER: One who seeks to destroy another’s credibility or reputation with damaging facts, distortion of facts, or evil suspicions. Numbers 14:36

BUSYBODY: One who digs up evil reports and makes it his or her business to spread them by means of gossip, slander, or whispering. Such an action is as great a sin as murder or stealing. It is classified with these by God when He warns: “Let none of you suffer as a murderer or as a thief or as an evildoer or as a busybody in other men’s matters“. I Peter 4:15.

F. Ignorance of what motivates an evil report: James 3:14-18

BITTERNESS: Reacting because of personal hurts;

REBELLION: Justifying an independent spirit;

DECEPTION: Believing that evil reports are right to give;

PRIDE: Wanting to exalt self or thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought;

GUILT: Justifying past actions or attitude;

ENVY: Desiring what another has.

CONTROL: Wanting to keep someone within the grasp of your sphere of personal influence.

G. Ignorance of how susceptible we are to evil reports:

We often enjoy hearing them because they exalt us and they bring down or hurt those whom we dislike.

H. Ignorance of how Satan uses evil reports:

• To discredit spiritual leadership.
• To cause Christians to close their spirits toward one another.
• To multiply conflicts and produce more ungodliness.
• To prompt non-Christians to mock Christianity and reject Christ.
• To keep Christians from assisting or partaking of legitimate ministries.

2. THE EXPOSURE STAGE

“A prudent man forseeth the evil, and hideth himself; but the simple pass on and are punished”. Proverbs 27:12

EXPOSURE IS ENTERING INTO CONVERSATION WITH A
PERSON WHO IS A CARRIER OF AN EVIL REPORT

How does God want us to respond?

“Whosoever privately slanders his neighbor, him I will cut off…” Psalm 101:5

“Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove [correct] them. For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret”. Eph. 5:10-12

“Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offenses contrary to the doctrine which you have learned; and avoid them”. Romans 16:17

We have protective physical defenses to warn us about physical contamination. We can smell it or see it or taste it. Sometimes, however, we are unaware of contamination until it is too late. In the same way, God gives us protective spiritual defenses to warn us about spiritual contamination.

We can sense the prompting of God’s Holy Spirit, follow the warnings of God’s Word, and obey the wise counsel of godly authorities. Sometimes, however, we are unaware of spiritual danger until it is too late.

HOW TO DETECT A CARRIER OF AN EVIL REPORT:

a. A carrier will usually test your spirit before giving you the evil report. Any evidence of a compatible spirit in you will encourage him to give you the report.

b. A carrier will usually check your acceptance of his report before giving it to you. He may do this by asking for your opinion about the person or dropping a negative comment and observing your response to it.

c. A carrier will often get you to ask for the evil report by creating curiosity about it. Some starters are: “Have you heard about (the person)?” or “Wait ‘til I tell you about (the person)!”

d. A carrier may communicate an evil report by asking us for counsel or by sharing a concern for the person involved.

e. A carrier may use evil reports to get you to admire him or her because of being on the inside and having access to privileged information.

f. A carrier is usually one who evokes vivid details of evil and will even search them out. God condemns such “detectives of darkness” whose tongues are like sharp swords.

g. A carrier may even swear you to secrecy before polluting your mind with an evil report. This equivalent to mental and spiritual “rape.” When someone tries to “snare you” in a verbal contract of silence by precluding the evil report with the words, “You can’t tell anyone what I’m about to share with you…,” the correct answer should always be, “It depends on what you are about to share.” [Sharing private information about yourself is perfectly acceptable in this context, but sharing evil reports about another person while swearing the hearer to secrecy is extreme wickedness in the eyes of God. When this kind of defilement is perpetrated by Christian leaders, it merits stricter condemnation.] (James 3:1)

“Whosoever privately slanders his neighbor, him I will cut off…” Psalm 101:5

HOW TO DETECT AN EVIL REPORT:

Five questions to ask before listening to a carrier:

a. “What is your reason for telling me?”

Widening the circle of gossip only compounds the problem.

b. “Where did you get your information?”

Refusal to identify the source of information is a sure signal of an evil report.

c. “Have you gone to those directly involved?”

Spiritually is not measured by how well we expose an offender, but by how effectively we restore an offender (Galatians 6:1)

d. “Have you personally checked out all of the facts?”

Even “facts” become distorted when not balanced with other facts or when given with negative motives.

e. “Can I quote you if I check this out?”

Those who give evil reports often claim that they are “misquoted”. This is because their words and overriding impressions are reported.

3. THE DEFILEMENT STAGE

“The words of a talebearer are as wounds. They go down into the innermost parts of the belly”. Proverbs 26:22

DEFILEMENT IS RECEIVING AN EVIL REPORT FROM ANOTHER PERSON AND BELIEVING THAT IT IS TRUE

In the same way that touching a diseased person can defile one’s hands, listening to an evil report will defile one’s mind. It is a reality which must be properly dealt with: “…lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” (Hebrews 12:15) A Classic illustration of many listening to an evil report:

Absalom used an innocent-sounding evil report to steal the hearts of almost an entire nation and lead it in a revolt against his own father, King David. The report emphasized his “concern” for suffering people, his “deep desire” that justice be done and his “ability” to be a better administrator than his father. Actually, Absalom was bitter because his father did not bring judgment to Absalom’s half-brother for immorality, so he took matters into his own hands and was rejected for it. (See 2 Samuel 15)

“And it came to pass after this, that Absalom prepared him chariots and horses, and fifty men to run 1before him. And Absalom rose up 2early and stood beside the way of 3the gate; and it was so, that when any man that had a controversy came to the king for 4judgment, then Absalom 5called unto him and said, O what city are you from? And he said, Thy servant is one of the tribes of Israel . And Absalom said unto him, See, thy matters are 6good and right; but 7there is no man deputed of the king to hear you. Absalom said moreover, O that I were made judge 8in the land, that every man which hath any suit or cause might come 9unto me, and I would do him justice! And it was so, that when any man came nigh to him to do him obeisance, he put forth his hand, and took him, and 10kissed him. …so Absalom 11stole the hearts of the men of Israel .” (II Samuel 15:1-6)

4. THE INFECTION STAGE

“The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going”. (Proverbs 14:15)

“As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife”. (Proverbs 26:21)

1) He gathered and organized a group that would be loyal to him, rather than to the one whom he served.
2) He was energetic and disciplined
3) He made himself available to the people
4) He sought out those who had grievances
5) He had a personal interest in people
6) He took up the offenses of those who had been hurt
7) He alienated people from their authority by giving an evil report about his leadership
He offered to be the representative to make sure things were done right
9) He would use his new position to increase his loyal following
10) He desired acceptance and recognition as well as authority
11) He carried out a tragic takeover of the nation with the help of those who were defiled and infected with an evil report

INFECTION IS RESPONDING TO AN EVIL REPORT WITH HUMAN REASONING AND EMOTIONS RATHER THAN WITH SPIRITUAL UNDERSTANDING AND GENUINE LOVE

“A wicked doer listens to false lips”. Proverbs 17:4

If the defilement of an evil report is not cleansed, wrong attitudes, opinions, conclusions, and actions will follow-even toward very close friends: “…a whisperer separateth chief friends”. Proverbs 16:28

SYMPTOMS OF INFECTION:

A. Believing that the evil report is true.
B. Forming negative opinions based on the report.
C. Focusing on negative aspects of the person involved.
D. Interpreting the person’s words and actions as “supporting evidence”.
E. Judging motives on the basis of the evil report.
F. Backing away from the person in your spirit.
G. Telling the evil report to others.

5. THE DISEASE STAGE

“A wicked doer giveth heed to false lips”. Proverbs 17:4

DISEASE IS BEING MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY CONTROLLED BY THE EVIL REPORT AND BY THE DESTRUCTIVE SPIRIT OF THE ONE WHO GAVE IT TO US

“He that hateth dissembleth with his lips, and layeth up deceit within him; when he speaketh fair, believe him not: for there are seven abominations in his heart.” Proverbs 26:24-25

“Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people.” Leviticus 19:16

A diseased Christian has grieved and quenched the Holy Spirit by taking up the offense of others, making them his own, and adding to them.

SYMPTOMS OF FULL-BLOWN “DEFILEMENT”

A. Developing bitterness and/or rebellion, even though the person involved did not directly offend us.

B. Setting ourselves up as the judge in matters which are God’s responsibility, and recruiting others to “our side”.

C. Searching out evil reports and using them to give the worst possible impression:

“An ungodly man diggeth up evil and in his lips there is as a burning fire”. Proverbs 16:27

D. Believing that such actions are actually accomplishing God’s will rather than realizing that we give non-Christians occasion to blaspheme God’s name because of our lack of genuine love: “I speak to your shame…brother goeth to law with brother, and that before unbelievers. Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you…ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren.” I Corinthians 6:5-8

Often we do not act on information when we should because the
defilement or infection hinders God’s grace in us (see Hebrews 12:25)

Attempts to restore a Christian who has been overtaken in a fault will usually fail unless the defilement of listening to an evil report is first repented of, cleansed and then replaced with the Spirit of Christ’s love, humility, and forgiveness.

6. HOW TO CLEANSE OUR MINDS FROM AN EVIL REPORT:

Ask God to cleanse your mind from the defilement of an evil report.

Pray for God to give you genuine love for each one involved in the evil report.

Cleanse your mind with the appropriate scriptures:

*Have I accepted the evil report as true?

“The simple believe every word: but the prudent man looks well to his going”. Proverbs 14:15

“Keep back your servant from presumptuous sins…” Psalm 19:13

Presumptuousness is taking a matter for granted and assuming it to be true in the absence of proof to the contrary.

*Has the evil report affected how I feel toward the person involved?

” A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach of spirit”. Proverbs 15:4

“…for wherein you judge another, you condemn yourself, for you that judge the other, does the same things.” Romans 2:1

“Above all things, have fervent love among yourselves, for love shall cover the multitude of sins”. I Peter 4:8

“Love…thinketh no evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity…” I Corinthians 13:5,6

*Do I have an urge to tell someone else the evil report?

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Ephesians 4:29

“A talebearer reveals secrets, but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.” Proverbs 11:13

“He that covereth a transgression seeks love, but he that repeats a matter separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9

I know my heart is clean:

When I lose my urge to tell someone else the evil report

When I am no longer eager to receive an evil report
When I grieve over the fact that a report was given
When I have genuine love toward the person involved in the report
When I am quick to examine my own life for failures

NOW IT’S TIME TO ACT ON WHAT YOU’VE HEARD:

Is God directing you to repent for receiving or spreading the evil report?

Is God directing you to contact the one who gave you the evil report?

Is God directing you to ask the five questions which identify an evil report?

Is God directing you to emphasize the importance of speaking the truth in love? John 17:20-26, Philippians 2:1-4

Is God directing you to contact the person involved in the situation in order to check out the facts and help to restore them in the spirit of meekness? Matthew 18:15-18, Galatians 6:1

Is God directing you to contact those who are spiritually responsible for the situation? [i.e the perpetrators, their pastor or their pastor's covering etc.]

Once they are informed, the responsibility of further action rests with them not you. Your only responsibility then is to continue to pray for those involved in the situation.

TO SUM IT ALL UP !!! IF YOU DIDN’T HEAR IT FOR YOURSELF DON’T BELIEVE IT … EVEN GOOD PEOPLE EXAGGERATE AND LEAVE PERTINENT INFORMATION OUT WHEN THEY ARE ANGRY OR HURT !!  YOU CANNOT COME TO A RIGHT CONCLUSION WITH PARTIAL INFORMATION….AND IF IT DOES NOT DIRECTLY AFFECT YOU …YOU SHOULDN’T EVEN BE INVOLVED.

THE FACT IS THERE ARE ALOT OF GOOD PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN AFFECTED BY THIS….SO IF THAT IS YOU FIX IT !!!

BUT THEN THERE ARE THOSE WHO ARE JUST FREAKING EVIL…. FROM THOSE STAY AWAY !!!

I PRAY YOU ALL READ, STUDY AND KEEP THIS FOREVER !!

Dr. H