Walking on the beach last night with my oldest granddaughter …a whole 12 going on 20. With the sun setting and the waves crashing at our feet …having one of our nana – granddaughter talks…( which by the way is where we talk about anything and everything… nothing is off limits !) somehow the topic turned to the quality of a person and how character is developed and decided at a very young age… how the practices and boundaries of how to make decisions and treat people should already be in full practice at her young age. (If these things are taught and walked out throughout their lives we won’t have to spend a lifetime trying to fix them)
So knowing she is very pretty and smart I was challenging her on making sure she doesn’t become one of those girls..you know… the mean girls…and how caring about people will cause you to treat people with kindness…. then out came the classic line I have heard a million times raising kids, managing people, and of course in church !!!
…..COMPARED TO ______ I AM DOING REALLY WELL !!!!
You know the ”compared to my friends” or a specific person you know of who does not measure up !! This is a classic move of deflection…. you know like the kid who gets caught and immediately tells on their sibling for something worse to get the attention off of their smaller infraction!!
Classic… and immature … right?
Guess what, grown people do it everyday.
The problem with this form of justification of not measuring up, is that it can change by what you are measuring by !!!
With this kind of valuing system there is no true standard.
Whatever is around that is making the person’s short comings apparent is easily remedied by removing it !!!!
This happens all the time. You get a friend that challenges you on a behavior or an area lacking in your life and instead of being inspired to learn and change to be better… you simply replace the friend for one that not only doesn’t challenge you but makes you look better just the way you are… at work a person comes in and starts to outshine you and instead of you buckling down and learning and getting more skilled at what you do…you simply start talking bad about them to bring them to where you think others will measure below you !!
When you have to put someone else down for you to look like you measure up …. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM !!
When you have to talk or point out other peoples weaknesses to measure yourself against….YOU ARE THE PROBLEM !!
It is easy to look good when we encircle ourselves with people who’s standards and ability’s are lower than our own..however, what kind of person will that make you !!! We should have people around us to challenge us to greater heights and show us the way to get there. We should have people who are strong in character , who will be real friends and help keep us walking a good life. We should want to be excellent and excel because of who we are and not because we gather losers around us just to make us look better than we are…. this is a false sense of self esteem.
If you ever answer yourself or others by deflecting or comparing to other people… you are who I am talking about and to !!!
Let me break it down… set your own goals and reach them by improving as a person and in whatever you do !!
….whatever you put your hand to .. do with all your might !!
Take responsibility for your own character, actions and life!!
Only losers blame and compare !!
Your measuring stick should never be another person for reasons stated above… Your only true measurement is the Word of God.
It is a complete handbook on the standards and guidelines we should live by every day.
It will teach you everything you need to know to succeed as a person and whatever else you do in this life !!
It is a clear measurement for character and every value system we should have… the problem is … it is a TRUE measurement.. and people who want to live a lie will not want to use this system… it will not excuse bad character and decisions.. it will challenge them to grow, change and succeed as a person and in life!!!
I challenge you …. change your measuring stick and see what kind of person you really are…not just appear to be !! Compare yourself to who God said you should be…
And if you can stand up to that and hear...well done good and faithful servant enter into the joy of the Lord. Well done….
If not…. Get a new standard and learn… get into a church to be Taught…. Grow and Succeed as a person first… and prosper at whatever you put your hand to do !!!!
Blessings
Dr. H
